i've been thinking

argh...
again...cant sleep at night...
well...might just put all my crap here...

things have return to normal...eventually...
uni life getting busier with all the reports, assignment and etc...
good way to distract me from thinking of something i shouldn't...

but just when everything settle down...cool down deep in the middle of the night...
memories just keep coming back to me...
suffering...

recently just...meet a new girl...
she was cute,nice and good to me...
lucky me huh...
yah...think so...

just really i have something i cant understand bout girls...
when they have something in their mind that bothering them...
they'll show everything in on their face..but just when being ask...
they'll tell you nothing...everything is fine...
o.k...fine means fine lo..
but...
when an argument broke out...
all their everything is fine will suddenly change to everything is NOT fine~
this is the time you really wan to OMG...
bla bla bla...
they'll sure sound like an alien where what they'll be saying are those that you never heard b4...

oh my....foot.....

maybe i just dont understand girls...
i dont understand their way of thinking..
i dont understand their way to expressing them self...



but as a guy...
just cant live without girl...
cant tell why...
maybe they just have that magical touch on men...
for me..
when there's a girl that love me with all her heart...
nothing satisfied me more than that in this world...

The past three months..

it's been a while i've posted anything here...
the keyboard that i'm typing on right now are full of dust and web...

three months have past...
bringing only the memory of tears...
and beers were my only best friends...
all because she finally left me...
no matter how and what i've done...she make it as a fact that she for real...
four years of me and her had go on to a end...

she once told me that she wont leave me no matter what...
she once...promise that we'll be holding each other in the journey of life...
she once....once....told me that she love me with all her heart...
and i once....though that this is....true love

but...i was too naif...her love for me is never real...

sadness of this...is indescribable...

for now...
i wish i can wish her happiness...
but...no part of me can truly wish her so...
cause the moment that she left me is the moment that i realize how deep i had fallen in love with her...

although death is once my only choice...
i'll live on....but always...with the scar you mark on my heart...

Chinese Ghost Month~

wuwuwu~
For those who dont know,
Every month 7 of chinese lunar calender is the ghost month~
according to legend
every year of this time the....gate of hell will be wide open
and the ghost are let to wonder into our world to feed
that's why you'll see alot of offering along the road side...

hmmm....hopefully they dont feed on ppl...

in chinese traditionally believe
ghost is form by soul of dead ppl that still have unfinish business in this world

hmmm...might or might not be true
it might be true because we know if there are ghosts...they are being that doesn't belong to this world but to the spiritual world
it might not be true because if i's form from dead ppl...there will be more ghosts than human now days

aiks....

so ghosts exist?

well...most ppl in this world believe in ghosts,hell and heaven...
regardless of race,religion and even region...
it seems like a common idea share among human...
just like basic instinct

so mean ghosts exist?
if not, why almost the whole world believe in it?

personally...i do believe in ghost as they are evil spirits..
but not a form by dead ppl
the reason for this is just simply because this world though looks chaos...
it indeed still in the control of it's creator

yes
there might be witnesses who encounter ghost before,
look typically maybe headless, long hair in white robe and mostly are look like women and children...
...bla bla bla....
but is it too similar to what we saw in movies?
and if we never watch any horror movie before...
do we know what is a ghost if we see one?

hmmm..for example
what animal is this?
hahaha...no idea?
it's a star nose mole

so...if we never been told bout something...
will we scare about it?
cute little blue ring octopus right?
feel like wan to catch one right?
what if i told you that this octopus is one of the most poisonous animal in sea?
one bite of this octopus can send you to hospital and potential fatal...
scare of it now?
hahahaha

so...why we think ghost are form from dead ppl?
so...why we "saw" ghost?
so...why we scare of ghost?

for me...
the answer is just simply because we have been brain wash by too much of movies and stories...
we keep being told that ghost look like this like that....
ghost behave like this like that....
in the end...we imagine our own ghost that end up with same characteristic...
right?

so yah...maybe you can say ghost can harm you....but is ghost more more scary than this?
or this?
and this the scarious of all...

??

for those who are still reading this...there are much much more things to scare about than ghost(if you still believe in one)

hahahaha
so anyway anyhow
happy ghost month to you all~
hahaha....till we my brain turn again

Love....sux

For those who are reading this...
love sux...
but...
i just cant life without loving you...

We been together for 4 years....
have our sweet moments...
have our sweat and tears days...
have our life...

but recently...
just recently...

u change...
without a reason for me...

all you gave were just"dont know"...

why?

is it so hard for you to know if you still love me or not?
is it you need to refers to others for the answer of this question?

i really dont understand...

four years of time...
and you can conclude with "dont know"...


for this...
it's really a grace for me if you stab a knife directly into my heart...

at least....
it definitely will cause less pain then what i'm going through now...

but...
my heart cant stop missing you...
my heart cant stop loving you...
it will just stop...if you no more in my life...

i really miss you...
i do wish you can appear in front of me at this very moment...

i've plan my future...
and you were the whole of it...
therefor...
without you....i simply will not have future....

i wish...
you know my feelings...
i wish...
you could see my heart...

for you...my dear...
you are my everything...

i've lost my way in love before...
i dont know what a true love mean to me...
but now...
at the edge...

i really do know...
without any reason nor question...

i really do...
love you with all my heart...

Bored~Ness

well...3 days i've been alone in my room...

two word to describe...bloody boring....

play games...watch movie...eat something...just simply find something to do to waste my time..

then i realize

i have spend 72 hours of my life simply doing nothing...

i've think of going fishing but...the rain just stop doing so...aiks...

what a weekend...

but...

sometimes this kind momentary loneliness just make people realize important stuff that missing from our life...

are we just born to wait to die?

hmm...tricky...

yah...in way we are just waiting for that moment to come

but...

some did say life is a journey...

it depend on how you yourself handling it...

some may rush here and there every moment of their life just to earn more penny...








so some disappointed in their life and just hurting them just to wish the end of their journey arrive sooner...












and many more...


aiks....

three days of loneliness really drive me crazy

my mind keep thinking of stupid stuff...

but think deeper...

for me

i just wish my life to be simple

simple three meal per day

something to do instead of just sleep the whole day

and most of all...

the one who i care being as healthy as they can be

that's all till i find something nice to write about

so

nitz

About ME

well...as a newbie....

let me intro my self

i'm a 21years old who need direction in life

starting this blog just simply to voice out or share something i know

so my biggest interest in life is...


and i also quite like to take photo too(some of my work)

well...

there are much more things i like to do in my life such as....




i wan to try...but it kinda impossible in Malaysia right?(unless tsunami again then i can surf that big wave..haha)

i love outdoors but...current just too much


around...

aiks....hope it either disappear from the face of the earth or just kill everyone living in it...make life simpler

enough of what i like and now for what i dont like

i absolutely hate
because peoples who have involve in this field nowadays are just too hypocrite to me

every word from their mouth are love this country and bla bla bla but every acts they do are just for the benefits of them self

the funniest part is a country name "mamar" who run by a bunch of "macho" soldier actually afraid towards a weak lady~da?

haha

i think i speak too much of what shouldn't be spoken

well....plenty of idea running trough my mind now but...i'm afraid i'm gonna put a fullstop her for now....