i've been thinking

argh...
again...cant sleep at night...
well...might just put all my crap here...

things have return to normal...eventually...
uni life getting busier with all the reports, assignment and etc...
good way to distract me from thinking of something i shouldn't...

but just when everything settle down...cool down deep in the middle of the night...
memories just keep coming back to me...
suffering...

recently just...meet a new girl...
she was cute,nice and good to me...
lucky me huh...
yah...think so...

just really i have something i cant understand bout girls...
when they have something in their mind that bothering them...
they'll show everything in on their face..but just when being ask...
they'll tell you nothing...everything is fine...
o.k...fine means fine lo..
but...
when an argument broke out...
all their everything is fine will suddenly change to everything is NOT fine~
this is the time you really wan to OMG...
bla bla bla...
they'll sure sound like an alien where what they'll be saying are those that you never heard b4...

oh my....foot.....

maybe i just dont understand girls...
i dont understand their way of thinking..
i dont understand their way to expressing them self...



but as a guy...
just cant live without girl...
cant tell why...
maybe they just have that magical touch on men...
for me..
when there's a girl that love me with all her heart...
nothing satisfied me more than that in this world...

The past three months..

it's been a while i've posted anything here...
the keyboard that i'm typing on right now are full of dust and web...

three months have past...
bringing only the memory of tears...
and beers were my only best friends...
all because she finally left me...
no matter how and what i've done...she make it as a fact that she for real...
four years of me and her had go on to a end...

she once told me that she wont leave me no matter what...
she once...promise that we'll be holding each other in the journey of life...
she once....once....told me that she love me with all her heart...
and i once....though that this is....true love

but...i was too naif...her love for me is never real...

sadness of this...is indescribable...

for now...
i wish i can wish her happiness...
but...no part of me can truly wish her so...
cause the moment that she left me is the moment that i realize how deep i had fallen in love with her...

although death is once my only choice...
i'll live on....but always...with the scar you mark on my heart...